M’Hawnx Wiehed/Wahda Sura

As many of our friends know, until relatively recently we ran a catering establishment which was rather large. This permitted us, besides operating a restaurant, to also hold parties twice a week, along with DJ and dancing. Very soon the scene automatically evolved very much into one which attracted virtually only singles, and people of a certain age. Much of our clientele were in their forties and fifties and very obviously out on the prowl.

This wasn’t specifically what we had intended, but it certainly wasn’t something we were opposed to either. On the contrary, from a takings point of view, it was infinitely better than settling for young couples smooching their way through the entire evening, while sipping one glass of wine between two with a straw. And business is business and you simply take what it throws at you.

So we soon become the talk of town and we made a big name for ourselves in this particular market.

As both my wife and I were always there, supervising and assisting with procedures, we very effectively got to know of attitudes and current trends of this particular scene. I have always been quite the observer and also the amateur psychologist. So in between stolen grabs and kisses in dimly lit corners when my wife wasn’t looking, which wasn’t half as often as I had wished, I always relished the people watching and the odd engaging conversation.

The majority of our patrons were regulars, so it was also easy to quickly get accustomed to their own particular approach to their evening of pursuit for company, and sometimes for a bit more. It goes without saying that singles of that age are virtually always separated and desperately or not so desperately in the search for their next partner. There were also the occasional married individuals who sometimes came, when they were of course “working late”…. full lists with photographic evidence may be obtained upon payment of €100!

But what was of particular amusement was the way people differed so much from each other. Much to their own painful frustration, the majority of both men and women were already convinced that they weren’t going to score the moment they set foot in the establishment. They trudged in, walked around with a distinctively nasty snarl on their face, snapped at a couple of people who dared approach them, and proceeded miserably to the bar to drown their sorrows in a desperately fatalistic way. This happened in equal proportions with both men and women.

I invariably approached such individuals and did my PR thing. We had to keep these people coming, so the men were happy to buy me drinks and I was happy to buy the girls drinks, although many a time it was also the other way round. I felt it was my mission to try and cheer them up, and to see if there was anything I could do to help, besides the aforementioned grope with the men and the stolen kiss with the women, or was it the other way round?

These rather sad individuals invariably were fully convinced that every member of the opposite sex there was totally worthless, a leach, a bloodsucker, a waste of time and a total loser, while in my objective eyes it was obviously they themselves who were the losers. So all the women were adamant that all the men were jerks and all the men were sure that all the women were unappealing. Now how sad and sorry is that!

All men are losers and all women are users, in the minds of these sad individuals.

They moped and they sulked and no amount of sweet-talking or encouragement would convince them otherwise. I spoke gently to the women and pointed out a couple of decent blokes I knew who were also game. Oh no not him, he’s far too tight with his money. No the other one is only after one thing. And he there is a real freak and the other too short. I tried to joke with the lads nodding towards a few sweeties. No yuck she’s a whore. And the one next to her is a massive user. Her friend just wants to get married and the other is far too fat, look at the size of her thighs.

I wish I were joking, but I am not. And as absurd as it might sound, if at least it were only one of the sexes, any one of them for that, who had this distinct impression, then perhaps you would try to make some sense out of it. But no, both genders were equally insistent that every member of the opposite sex there was an idiot.

How lame, dull-witted and imperceptive must you be to think this. How shallow are those women who believe that men are shallow just because they do not unnecessarily overcomplicate themselves to the extent of confusing even their own selves. How insensitive are those men who have no sensitivity towards women’s emotions and insights. And incredulously they came back again and again, and just went through the same fatalistic routine each and every time.

And then there were the others.

There were a few men and women, definitely the minority, perhaps 10% or 20% at most, who always without fail had a good time and very rarely left the premises alone.

They came in beaming. Like smiling was soon going out of fashion. They walked and they talked with a marked air of confidence, they exuded positivity and never failed to score. These were the ones who had only praise for the opposite sex. The men who adored every single woman (and possible a few married ones too), and the women who simply loved all the men. Those men who showered all the girls with drinks and lovely compliments and the women who believed so strongly in the men around them that they unashamedly told them so. These were the ones who only brought out the best in each other, the ones who realised that it was only a matter of attitude and not much else.

Nobody is perfect and nobody is perfectly good or bad. It is up to you to bring out certain traits in the others around you, at every possible occasion.

So the vast majority had destined their own selves to failure and invariable went home sulking, disillusioned and alone, while the same few picked up a choice item every time they came. And it was always a choice item, for these are the fellow strong, positive and fun individuals who gave others a chance and hadn’t already marked their fate before they had even started. These are the ones everybody wanted to pick up, not the grumpy cranks. And I can assure you that looks had little to do with it.

As they rightly say, it is all in the mind and this is yet another valid example of this old adage.

This absurd gender feud only seems to have gotten worse in recent times and simply makes conditions worse for everyone, especially for those who advocate it. If you are convinced that the entire world is against you and make it a point of spreading your poison wherever you go, may I suggest that you drink a cup or two of it yourself and so do us all a favour.

All women and men are beautiful. They are clever and vibrant and intelligent, but only if you consider and treat them as such.

So while the likes of me happily, and often even ecstatically, grope and kiss their ways through life, before going home with my gorgeous, loving and also forgiving wife, seeing everything through rose coloured glasses, there are those who are stuck in their dark and dismal holes. Give people a chance, believe in humankind, give them the benefit of the doubt. If you have already condemned yourself to fail, then fail you will.

Open your mind to accept the positive, then open your arms to embrace others, and finally if and when you think appropriate, open your legs and have a hell of a good time.