These two countries are like being on two entirely different planets. Our last experiences in Russia, on our long drive to the airport, included ripping a tyre in a crater, compliments of the utterly disastrous state of the roads, as well as a toilet stop at one of the few public toilets available along this road, which is the principal one in this entire part of Russia. These are tiny shacks with a hole in the middle, with no drainage connection, but instead are built over cesspits which are rarely emptied and whose contents eventually rise up all the way into the shack!! Hmm, lovely! And yes that is exactly what you think it is in the pic!!! So you’re meant to simply straddle the overflowing hole, somehow not faint or puke due to the atrocious stench and simply add your lot to everyone else’s which is happily lapping at your ankles… YUCK!!! Naturally we used a field instead…

Then from this remote savage wilderness filled with endless emptiness, we come to world’s largest megapolis, the epitome of modernity and advancement and one of the most hi-tech places on Earth. The pics with the hi rise buildings show the view from our 19th floor luxury hotel bedroom window. And how is this for irony… the last toilet we encountered in Russia was the shit hole (and I am pleased to finally find a non-metaphorical use for this otherwise usually metaphorical analogy) described above, while the next one we experienced was the one in our hotel bedroom as seen in the pic below. This toilet truly comes with a 12 page manual due to its many sophisticated functions which include jets, spray, anal water massage, different directional spouts for varied genital and anal parts (really!), heated toilet seat, advanced bidet functions (whatever those may be over and above the ones already described) etc….! A whole science machine for total genital comfort and hygiene of sorts. So just the difference in toilets says it all and perfectly epitomises the enormous differences in living conditions between our point of departure and our destination.

From spending a couple of weeks in what remains one of the world’s largest and emptiest wildernesses, with an average population density of 3 inhabitants per square kilometre, we come to Tokyo which is the city with the world’s largest metropolitan area with a population of nearly 40 million and a density of 6,000 per square kilometre! And you know what, you barely notice the difference! Haha, if you believe that last comment you need to have your head fixed presto!! We saw about as much people in the arrivals lounge of the airport alone as we had seen in our entire two week stay in Siberia, or probably much more.

As we were transiting in Seoul we also had some time to explore the massive airport there and get a glimpse of hoards of people there many of whom were wearing their dumb face masks making you believe you were watching an episode of scrubs or something. Also it seems that the Koreans have recently come to think of themselves as the cool guys of the Far East and many visibly try to emulate this, unless the whole thing was purposely staged just for us with an airport parade of tiny, weedy, totally nerdy-looking individuals desperately trying to look cool and failing miserably at it. I specially took the attached video to tease our daughter who is obsessed with k-pop and everything Korean, for some weird reason (miskina). We definitely saw many more people in Seoul airport than in the whole of Siberia, that’s for sure.

So this leg of our trip was one of enormous contrasts in so many ways and in so many others it marked the beginning of my real holiday, if you see what I mean… After being stuck in Moscow mainly for administrative reasons, then in the far east of Russia mainly for marital reasons and entirely devoting three whole weeks of my life for altruistic motives, I was finally craving some well-earned pampering and self-indulgence.

In one last stroke of fate, after having very difficultly endured 3 whole weeks of the gruff, ill-natured, inhospitable Russian treatment from all the big, burly, rough people there, with whom I just had to bear it and lump it, in spite of my nature, we walked onto the plane which was a Korean carrier. Standing there were 6 tiny, pretty and petite Korean hostesses wearing the biggest smiles plastered across their porcelain-like faces, who showered us in endless greetings. Wercome sir, herro madam, so preased to have you on boald our ailprane. Prease be comfoltabre and ret us know if we can be of selvice to you. All this while beaming and smiling and bowing. One even told Maria “oh madam youl hail is so rovery you have a vely pletty styre”, at which point I just literally burst out in tears – honestly! It must have been all the tension and pressure I was under throughout the previous three weeks and all that pent up frustration which finally burst out.

We made our way to our seats with me sobbing while somehow simultaneously laughing at myself for crying. We’re back to civilization – I cried, look how nice they are to us. Oh wow this is what I have been missing, sob, sob, being treated like a human being at last. Surely that it the least I deserve mwaaa mwaaa and I cried and laughed myself in pleasure and in glee, spitting out all the Russian poison and immersing myself fully in the legendary Far East hospitality.