A General Analysis of Area Comparatives – Bugibba vs Sliema

I first intended to write this as a review, but then decided to turn it into a rant, as I can have much more fun with it here wink emoticon

We are extremely lucky to live in the countryside, in a very quiet and totally rural location, between Burmarrad and Naxxar, surrounded by fields, valleys and hills. The closest towns to us are Bugibba, Qawra and St. Pauls Bay, which collectively are part of the St. Pauls Bay local council. This has become today, by far the largest and most populated town in Malta.

However, although this is now Malta’s largest locality, even in terms of inhabitants, much is still lacking, especially with regards to infrastructure. Traffic access has always been very difficult, and it now seems that with the new Coast Road disaster, the situation will certainly become terribly worse, thanks to the crass incompetence of our foolish authorities.

Rather than opening up many new thoroughfares to start easing access for the thousands of inhabitants, the new roadworks have incredulously closed off access via Triq J. F. Kennedy, opposite the now obliterated Kennedy Grove, as well the the very main road itself – Pioneer Road, for all traffic coming up North. This means that now literally all traffic from all of Malta going North, including all that going to the beaches and to Gozo, will have to join all traffic going into Malta’s largest locality, at the roundabout just outside St Pauls Bay, which also leads to the bypass. At this point it would be interesting to find out two things : if this will now be the busiest roundabout on Earth, and if Transport Malta’s stupidity and incompetence can ever be beaten anywhere on the entire planet within the next couple of millennia. Think about it! In Summer the St Pauls/Bugibba/Qawra locality is by far the most populous, and all access to it has to imperatively pass through one single roundabout where all commuters to beaches and to Gozo must also pass! Hmmm absolutely lovely!

Ok now that the important stuff has been said, let us move on to more mundane, unimportant matters tongue emoticon And without further ado I will go straight to the point. The Bugibba area has always been frowned on by a certain category of Maltese. Now I am not known for my political correctness, and I am not either particularly set at being brash and purposely politically incorrect. Basically I report it the way it is and frankly I have absolutely no agenda one way or another. I just say it the way it is, admittedly with little respect for those who have no spine or spleen to express themselves in normal straightforward terms and hide behind their own self-imposed inexpression!

So here goes – the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

Yes, a certain category of Maltese have always considered Bugibba to be the pits and I must admit that I never had a very good impression either. We never frequented this part of the island before, but now that we live so close, it is only normal that we tempt fate, leave behind us all the old boring Maltese stereotypes, and take an objective look at the matter, beyond all preconception. Things change and unless you experience them yourself firsthand, you will remain a slave of collective thinking.

Over the past few months we have managed to have quite a few good meals in various restaurants in the area, following specific recommendation and careful selection. So I must admit that our overall impression of the area had started to significantly improve. Yes there are some good restaurants in Bugibba/Qawra, if you know where to go at least.

So with this in mind, yesterday evening we tried something different. Why should Bugibba be any different to anywhere else on earth, where you can simply stroll around the streets and just select the eatery of your choice based on what should also be a very effective method – that of actually viewing the establishment in front of your very eyes. We were there anyway, running some important errands, so we decided for once, to get ourselves a relatively simple meal, without having to conduct weeks of research on the matter.

Most of the roads in Qawra and Bugibba are literally dotted with catering establishments, so it wasn’t a matter of finding an eatery, but more one of choosing which one to go to.

I won’t even mention names in this case, because as you will eventually see this is quite unnecessary. We just proceeded on the assumption that Bugibba is no longer the pits, no longer a shabby forsaken hovel based on our distant and dark three star shoddy budget tourism past. So we confidently walked into the first semi decent looking establishment.

A very miserable, English sounding server, came up to us and while literally staring at the ceiling said “Yes?”. We informed him that we would like a drink first before we ordered food, and asked for a bloody mary. He just about laughed at us and informed us that they “don’t serve those sort of things”, so we went for gin and tonics and looked at the menu. He came back with two tiny glasses with no ice, no slice of lemon, there must have been half a gin and two drops of tonic in there. Totally shocking stuff and when I very politely asked for some sort of enhancement there was an audible pfff!

So naturally we drank our repulsive drink, paid up and gladly moved on somewhere else.

We walked down the road and saw a nice looking establishment prominently placed in the corner of two streets. We sat and ask for two bloody mary’s. The waitress just looked up at the sky and simply uttered the word “no”. I realised that what she meant in her infinite helpfulness and customer care skills, was that she had never heard of such a weird drink, so again we changed out order to G&T’s. They came with no smile, no politeness, no consideration whatsoever, so again we thankfully decided to move on.

I must admit that already at this stage we were just about starting to change the focus of our outing, from that of having a quick light informal meal, to conducting some form of intriguing survey of Bugibba eateries. Thankfully it doesn’t take long for us to find the fun in everything, especially when there’s drink involved.

So we sort of accepted our fate, looked at each other in mutual understanding, gave a knowing nod, and went for it heart and soul. Someone’s got to do it and the truth should finally be revealed about this part of the island once and for all.

We landed at our third establishment, this time being a bit more wary. So we totally abandoned our bloody mary expectations, we just ask for two gin and tonics. But again, the server who in this case sounded eastern european was very unwelcoming and brash. There was no way on earth that we would have an entire meal there and as he virtually slammed our drinks on the table with his heavily tattooed arms, we drank up, paid and moved on.

Our next stop was in Bugibba Square itself, in one of the very main establishments there, where the servers were Maltese. Ours again looked up in the air while taking our order – there really must be something special about the sky over Bugibba, because wherever we went the staff always gazed blankly at it. As their drinks menu consisted of endless pages of the most intricate cocktails, we again stupidly expected that mixing vodka with tomato juice would be within their realm of competence. But yet again we were wrong. So again, based on the marked lack of care and friendliness, we headed elsewhere after our drink.

Before describing our fifth episode, I simply have to say that we were virtually flabbergasted at the average person around, and this included serving staff, fellow customers sitting in the establishments, as well as passersby. I kid you not, but the amount of terribly obese, rough looking, cheap sounding, ugly, even freakish, weird, unstylish, badly dressed, redneck, foulmouthed, disgusting individuals we encountered, was simply beyond belief. We started to feel that that we were the only normal people around. Much as this might sound improbable, it is the plain truth.

This is not being pretentious, it is not a class thing, it is not being snobbish, it is a simple and real observation one really cannot help but make.

The tourists there have somehow remained the middle aged and elderly English lager louts par excellence, all sitting there with their massive beer bellies spewing from under their soiled undervests, burping and farting as they reach out with their massive tattooed arms for their pint – and that’s just the ladies!

The British bucket and spade brigade have also visibly been joined by many other nationalities and also races, all of which have about the same amount of class and finesse as them.

The few Maltese people you see around are really not the finest examples either. There seem to be certain selected places where these Malteserthals tend to congregate and Mater Dei is definitely one of them. Each time I have to go to hospital I wonder in awe where these people crawl out from as they shuffle around on their webbed feet and gesticulate wildly with their unopposable thumbs. Well there certainly must be a direct bus between Mater Dei and Bugibba…

So off we trot to our next baffling experience which was a nice waterfront establishment where an unidentifiable, genderless, obese, sunglasses wearing, keys hanging out of jeans, bartender served us ready mixed gin and tonics in small bottles accompanied by plastic glasses with no ice. At this point we were actually revelling in the surreality of it all and had long given up even trying to have dinner. We just happily tottered from one dump to another expecting the worst, and the worst we truly got, time and time again.

I cannot even remember if it was the sixth or the seventh, as we had truly lost count by then. But the last place we stopped at was another rather large eatery, this time on the stylish Tourists Street, which was purposely designed as a cross between Rodeo Drive, Champs Elysees and Bond Street. Served again here by an Eastern European bloke, we finally found someone decent and nice. He actually looked at us when he spoke to us and even remembered what it was to smile – our very first one of the evening, six or seven establishments later!

We have found some nice places to eat in Bugibba, when we went straight to these rare establishments. In many of the shops and outlets we specifically go to in the area, where logically other Maltese and non-Maltese residents congregate, we have also found the general level of service to be good. However when we threw ourselves out at random and tried out what the average tourist would encounter, we were instantly sucked back into a third-rate, cheap, 1970’s scenario, which was rather shocking and where little has changed for decades.

To sum up our experience, yes, there is absolutely no doubt about it. There are still enormous differences between Bugibba and the Sliema/St Julians area. In spite of the few new fine establishments which have so far managed to survive in this area, much of it remains the pits, there is unfortunately no better description for it. Prices are significantly cheaper than in Sliema, but if you want the cheapest booze then simply stay and drink at home.

But it just goes to show how a tourist’s experience could be entirely different if staying in St Julians or if staying in Bugibba…

It was doubles we were both drinking all evening, so by the end of it, as we visibly staggered towards the car, we too started to blend in nicely with the Bugibba crowd. As they say, spend enough time in a place and you too become part of it!