I had to choose a restaurant in the general Sliema/St. Julians area for a business luncheon. However luckily my client suggested a venue herself, which always eases up some of the pressure in case they don’t perform so well. So she proposed that we dine at Electro Lobster, which was more than fine with me.

We went for a table outside which proved to be simply a wonderful location. You are seated more than half way up Balutta Square, under the trees which give a lovely relaxing garden feel, and therefore quite set off from the main road. However you can perfectly enjoy the view of the bay and the sea and the bustling activity of everyday life on the front.

We were greeted and served throughout by a miraculous, smart and suave Neapolitan man named Luca. I use the word miraculous because it has become unfortunately exceedingly rare to encounter such obviously well trained and knowledgeable professionals in the service side of catering today. We are somehow producing more and more talent in the kitchen and less and less of it in front of house.

Restaurant owners must really start to realise that in the same way they would not trust semi-trained individuals, or worse still temporary worker ignoramuses, to run their kitchens, then by throwing these in as servers haphazardly they are only undoing their efforts in back of house.

Luca is a professional sommelier by professional and there was absolutely no doubt whatsoever about that. I got there a few minutes later than my client, not because I was late but because she was early. She was already on the prosecco when I got there, which gave me great pleasure. Nothing better than getting your client drunk to eventually get your own devious way.

When I asked for the wine list Luca immediately made his very valid suggestions and convinced us to try something different, based on his infinite knowledge. So first we went for a lovely pure, light, fresh and ever so subtly white peppery riesling, which we both enjoyed. We were so engrossed both in Luca’s skills, as well as in conversation, that we even had a second bottle of wine, asking Luca to suggest something different this time just for fun. He proposed an Austrian gruner veltliner which was even more interesting and complex, presenting a vast array of flavours – what a delight.

These are not wines I would normally order. I used to be quite a fan of riesling until on a couple of occasions I was served rather sweetish varieties, as the staff were totally uninformed, and I really dislike even slightly sweetish wines unless accompanied by sweet food. So unless I know the specific wine itself I now tend to avoid it. There are certain grapes which are normally associated with dry wines which can at times turn out slightly sweet, chenin blanc is another one of these. As for gruner veltliner I have often drunk this when traveling in Austria and remembering also stocking some for a while when we had our own restaurant but doubt having ever drunk it since.

But Luca’s skills did not end there. He served us throughout with perfection and with detail which did not go unnoticed. His served and cleared our table exclusively from the right hand side, an important factor of service which is all but being forgotten. This is in no way snobbery or symbolic etiquette. As most servers are right handed like anyone else on earth, serving you from the left tends to stick their arms and elbows right into your face, unless they are terrible double jointed at the elbow – not a pleasant thing at all. In fact if a server is left handed or for whatever reason must serve you with their left hand, in that case alone I would prefer that they serve me from the left. But proper service teaches you when you have a plate in each hand, first to place the one in the right hand always from the right, then passing the other plate from left hand to right and serving yet again from the right.

This is about as basic information and knowledge as it could ever get in restaurant service. However something tells me that for the vast majority of servers today this would sound as far fetched as asking them to perform cartwheels and juggle with your plates without dropping them.

Luca rightfully used a tray to bring to us even the smallest of items such as a fork or toothpicks. Another one of the basics of service. You never carry anything in your hands without a tray except bottles. He went as far as coming regularly to our table simply to turn the dishes in the centre of our table whenever the food on them on our side became scarce, simply to make it easier for us to reach and to help ourselves. Now that is what I call service!

Besides Luca, there was another young creature who also assisted in an extremely pleasant way, especially proving to be a feast to the eyes, well to mine at least. Much more of a feast than the food itself I must add.

We went for the day’s specials, consisting of lobster tempera and scallops on rice. The tempura was lovely and tasty and light and was served with an enjoyable tangy sauce. The scallops on the other hand were very poor and barely edible. I actually informed Luca to advise the chef to undercook them when placing our order. This is not actually the right term, as scallops should be ever so lightly seared and always served in this manner, virtually raw, when they are lovely. But through experience I know that many chefs tend to overcook them, so I thought it best to specifically point this out. In spite of this they turned up terribly overcooked and hardly even edible. Furthermore, the rice they were laid on was largely tasteless and uninteresting. I just about sent them back and in all fairness Luca even offered to do this, but we couldn’t be bothered waiting, especially as by then we were focused entirely on hard business.

These dishes were accompanied by a salad which was actually salty, visibly by the pre-addition of salt within it, which is a big no-no in my book. Also steamed vegetables which were nothing to write home about which is why I am writing about them here.

We finished off with a tiramisu to share, as yes, I always share my desserts at business lunches, it gives me that much more intimacy and leverage with my clients to get my own way. The tiramisu on the other hand was stupendous, which at least ended a mediocre meal on a much higher note.

So to sum up this meal, the ambiance was lovely, the service simply perfection with a sommelier-cum-server who knew his stuff to a tee and who served both in style and in cordiality. The food however left much to be desired, although admittedly we only had very few items, so we could have been unlucky.

The most important of all however, was that after all I got my way and got everything I wanted with my client. She was happily tipsy and with a bit of a push here, a shared dessert there, some charm and a dimpled smile, I got her to sign on all the dotted lines.

We attended a morning concert at the Manoel Theatre and nine of us had already decided to head straight to lunch immediately afterwards. I was assigned the dubious honour of selecting and reserving a restaurant for the occasion. A task which always comes with a certain amount of responsibility.

So I tried to weigh up all the options sensibly and finally opted for Cockney’s, for a number of reasons. It is located very close and within easy walking distance from the theatre. It is large and spacious and can very easily accommodate such a table, whereas so many restaurants In Valletta are small and cosy when dining for two, but would feel rather poky for a large table. Because it has an extensive al fresco dining area, which is so much nicer at lunchtime than being stuck inside. And perhaps most of all, because it offers a splendid view of Marsamxett Harbour and the surrounding towns, which can only greatly compliment any meal.

A couple in our party were also heading back to Sliema by ferry immediately afterwards, so this was also the perfect location for them, as it is located exactly where the ferry berths. So as one can see, I really put on my thinking cap for this one.

As we all had our priorities right, we started off by first ordering our wines. I can never understand people who arrive at a restaurant and who then choose to sit there for ages chatting and looking at the menu and thinking what they might eat, without first having ordered their wine.

We went for La Cala Vermentino di Sardinia by Sella Mosca, which as expected was a pale yellow, elegant and supple white wine, with crisp yet unaggressive underlying tones of acidity. As for red we selected the Simonsig Pinotage, which is a nicely perfumed, raspberry fruity and ever so lightly spicy South African favourite.

The menu consisted of fairly ordinary and unexceptional items, but there is nothing wrong with that, and provided that a restaurant offers a good standard of fare, it does not always have to be imaginative and out of the ordinary. Many people like to go for the good old favourites, provided that they are well prepared.

What was a bit more concerning, was the bold and inappropriate mention on the first page of the menu saying “Everything is cooked to order so please allow an appropriate waiting time” – a very outdated approach, I must say, especially for this category of restaurant which is not poised to produce magnificent works of art for dishes, but standard run-of-the-mill fare. I must admit that I cringed a bit when I say this, because if there is something I loathe at restaurants it’s waiting ridiculous times to be served.

Long gone are the days when you spent hours at table with long pauses between courses. In today’s dining world you might want to chat and drink before the meal and usually even more so afterwards, but once you place that food order, service is expected to be brisk and continuous and yes, including between starters and main courses. Not rushed of course, but few these days want to wait more than say ten to 15 minutes between courses. Trends change and providers must change with them. And the trend is very much not to give long pauses as in times gone by.

So seeing such a warning so prominently placed on their menu came as quite a shock. It is obvious and to be expected that everything is cooked to order, rather than shipped in from Sliema on the ferry in troughs and buckets on alternate weeks of the month! And then after all, in spite of this alarming disclaimer, and in spite of the fact that the restaurant was busy and that we were a fairly large table, the waiting times were more than acceptable. So that did turn out to be quite a false alarm.

Moving on the the food, there were of course a variety of starters and on the whole, all were of a good satisfactory standard. I had the Caprese Salad which was delicious and prepared with excellent mozzarella which I swallowed down rather enthusiastically. I was told that the spaghetti vongole was nice but just slightly too salty and that the penne with salmon and shrimps was most enjoyable even if ever so marginally overcooked. The deep fried breaded goat’s cheeselets were pronounced lovely, while the fresh mussels were average.

For mains several of us had rabbit which was fine, although I believe it could have been a bit more tender and succulent. My guess is that it needed more slow cooking to render it more pleasant. The grilled chicken breast was well enjoyed while the grilled calamari was tender but not remarkable.

Some had desserts, in the form of cassatellas and ice creams which were very pleasant, being tasty yet relatively light.

The food overall was by no means spectacular but it certainly was adequate and acceptable. The service was what I would term as uncoordinated and largely lacking attention. We were on two occasions brought the wrong wine, and on several others served both food and beverage items which were meant to be taken to other tables than ours. The style was a bit careless and inattentive, until towards the end of the meal it simply fizzled into a sad no server in sight situation.

One thing I find most annoying with big tables, is that not only do they not take note of individual placing when taking the order, but that servers come out with food, hold their head up high and shout out into the distant horizon, well above everyone’s heads and sphere of attention, expletives such as “Chicken, Chicken”, “Beef, Beef”, at the top of their voices. This only adds to the general overall noise which in turn simply makes everyone talk between themselves even louder, while subconsciously trying to block off their annoying yells.

The most effective method, if they still haven’t worked out how easy it is to take note of who ordered what in the first place, is the exact opposite to the one described above. It is to lower themselves towards the seated customers, look at them directly in the eyes and therefore addressing them personally, rather than speaking to the wind, and asking calmly and ideally softly, so clients actually have to stop talking between themselves to listen attentively, “is the chicken for you sir?”, and the whole table would stop to listen and would even help them out and direct them as to who ordered what.

But in spite of these small inconveniences it was still a good lunch and the positive by far outweighed the less positive. And most of all, based on my initial reasoning, the spectacular view did a lot to subdue the mind, feed the patience and happily expel any small rising frustrations.

We would gladly return to Cockney’s, especially on such a pleasant blue skied day.

It is about as far as you can get from anywhere in Malta, but like most other things it all depends on your perspective in life. If you simply look at the distance in kilometres and time, then you will automatically find it tedious and unnecessary. If on the other hand, as the old adage goes, you enjoy the journey, then this will automatically become a great destination, at the end of, about as scenic a drive, as you can ever get in Malta. And since this was only last week, the lovely deep Autumn colours were prevalent all the way, in the form of a bit of greenery, a deep blue sky and even deeper blue sea.

In this particular case however, improbable as this might seem, this specific location was selected because it was the most central and close for myself and a rather eccentric client I was meeting. I live in Burmarrad and he came specially from Gozo and asked me to find something in Malta as far North as possible, so Little Armier was bang in the middle.

I do not believe that many business lunches are held at Baia Beach, but why the hell not. Admittedly my client did ask me if this was a good restaurant, to which I truthfully replied in the affirmative, however while I knew exactly the style and wore short and a tee shirt, he came wearing formal business attire. Being Northern European and having arrived in the Maltese Islands quite recently, he visibly still needs a bit of readjusting to local lore.

So there we were, people running around in bikinis and flip flops, groups frolicking and relaxing, young and not so young couples obviously engaged in unashamed amorous activities, while we conducted our business meeting. But who cares.

The service was, as always so far, impeccable. Service should ideally be the right balance of professionalism, smartness, efficiency and politeness, with friendliness, conviviality and very important – smiles. And this is exactly what we got.

No serious business meeting may ever be conducted without good wine. So we went for a beautifully complex and intense Pouilly Fuisse Terres de Vergisson, which presented intricate flavours of fruit and minerality.

For starters we both had the tuna carpaccio, which was excellent in every respect. This was followed by a fritto misto which was pleasant and fine and a beef tartare which was extremely palatable and perfectly cut. My only suggestion would be to increase on the accompanying capers, spring onions and mustard, which are virtually microscopic in portion.

My biggest disappointment was that as the beef tartare was featured as a starter, I asked for it to be served as a larger portion, having taken it as a main course. Although the server never objected, he came back shortly and informed me that it cannot be changed in size. I have already mentioned this point here before, that unfortunately more and more restaurants refuse to change starter sizes, or those of any other dish, in many cases.

Having been in the trade, I fully understand that this may disrupt, precisely weighed portions, costings, pricing, stock control and other internal issues, and that it can be a nuisance to the operation of an establishment. But so can many other things such as several tables arriving at the same time, large tables ending up much smaller than expected, people turning up late, walk-in clients insisting on the best tables, customers asking for split bills at the end of the meal, the last stranglers staying on for ages sipping their last drink, and so many other frequent issues which are messy and undesirable for the restaurant.

Yet I still find it very rigid and unacceptable that such a basic request cannot be accommodated. There are an infinite number of solutions for such a small problem and certainly with an item such as beef tartare it shouldn’t be an issue to increase its size upon demand. Had it been say a whole fish and someone asked for a bit more, then I understand that the kitchen might be reluctant to serve one and a half fish, but this case was rather ludicrous.

I didn’t make a fuss, I just nodded and accepted, especially in front of my overseas client. We always automatically seem to want to iron out or conceal any inefficiencies we encounter in front of foreigners, as if we were personally responsible for them simply because we are Maltese.

As we were rather full by then, we first decided to skip desserts. But then somehow we changed our minds. However as we were not quite greedy enough to have one each, we shared a portion of delicious Sicilian cannoli between us, in true lover style. Now how’s that for a successful business relationship!

After the coffees we were very graciously offered a drink on the house, another very enjoyable but dying custom, I am afraid. Pricing could be considered slightly on the high side, with the carpaccio priced at €12 and €8 for two portions of chips accompanying our mains which one would normally expect for free. However this establishment is seasonal and will in fact close its doors until next Summer at the end of September, so I suppose a bit of a concession must also be made with this in mind.

Also worth noting it the fact that all dishes are excellently and artistically presented, more so than in so many other places. I always find this an added pleasure in the overall dining experience, especially when it doesn’t affect waiting times in any way.

It was a very pleasant lunch in beautiful surroundings, especially those clad in skimpy bikinis. Not your expected business lunch venue and to be perfectly honest, the whole ambiance did detract a bit from our working ethic and motivation. Much less was discussed and even less decided, than we had expected and intended. We might have to resort to another lunch in the very near future, but next time it will be in somewhere like Valletta, hoping that this time my client doesn’t turn up wearing a speedo!

We heard about the festival Stretta, celebrating the dubious past and much more palatable present of the infamous Strait Street in Valletta. So we decided to give it a go. What nicer way is there of spending an evening on a mild Summer’s night, than strolling around our now stylish capital, while having a few drinks here and there, then proceeding for a bite to eat, before ending in a clubbish bar once again? Hard to beat you might think…

So we arrived in Valletta at around 20:30 and as we approached City Gate, much to our horror and not so mild disgust, we heard crazed yelling and idiotic cheering of a maddened crowd. Much to our dismay, there was a political meeting right at the entrance of Valletta, occupying the entire square and hideously raping everyone’s mind with amplified decibels. Are we not past this dumbo stage? Does’t TV, radio, FB and Twitter suffice? Who would go screaming and shouting and waving flags and unashamedly displaying such idolatry and superstar status to politicians? Scary, very scary!

We immediately made a detour which luckily brought us directly to the top part of Strait Street. It was a very pleasing sight. Bustling with people, establishments of all types with tables and chairs outside, as well as a series of clever and symbolically red lights all along the street. So very alluring and definitely comparable to any historic European city we all rave about in our travels.

So as it was our intention to visit the entire street from top to bottom, to see what the festival was all about and to relish the activities and interests brought to the discerning public on this occasion, we started down into the first part of Strait Street. And the first noteworthy pitstops happened to be in the very beginning, in the form of renowned wine bar Trabuxu and directly opposite the newly opened art gallery of world renowned Krista Sullivan, called Gallery 223.

We had heard a lot of praise and tribute about this acclaimed artist, so we ventured inside to view the extraordinary artwork. It is all about colour and expression and passion and gut feeling.

So we toed and froed between the gallery and Trabuxu with glasses of wine, until finally we managed to convince Krista, the genius artist, to accompany us for a sit down bite across the road.

Trabuxu is housed within a typical vaulted Valletta cellar, with more charm than anything I can think of, except for the artist herself. It also has a nice buzz and a cool feel to it, fully corroborated and cleverly orchestrated by owner Kris Fenech Soler and staff. Krista by the way is not the wife of Kris, it is just a first name coincidence of sorts…

We had a lovely and smooth lasagne, an extremely tasty chicken liver paté and a lovely large and generous platter with fine cheeses and cold cuts and loads of crudities too. Everything was of top quality and thoroughly enjoyed.

The bill for this food, as well as two bottles of Santa Rita Chilean sauvignon blanc, plus a bottle of water only came to € 77, which I thought was a bargain.

We then proceeded across the road again and in a sudden irresistible urge of artistic passion, we purchased one of the mind blowing paintings there.

As we ran to our car exactly in the sudden heavy downpour, Krista phoned me simply to inform me that she paid the bill at Trabuxu, which I somehow had totally forgotten to settle!

We saw absolutely nothing else of Strait Street after all. But it is now so resoundingly obvious that there is a much nicer way to spend a Summer evening than strolling aimlessly around Valletta! Just spend the entire evening firmly anchored between Gallery 223 and Trabuxu, where you can purchase an enchanting painting and eat and drink for free!

This is one of the many eateries in the Tunny Net Complex down in Ghadira. It is the one at the top of the building offering slightly more formal dining than the other outlets.

It was our friends from England who chose to dine there and we naturally went along with their suggestion.

The subject of wine is as vast as an ocean, and in many ways the more you learn about it, the more you realise that you have barely scratched the surface.

This endless subject is even subdivided into different disciplines, such as viticulture or vinegrowing – which is the growing and harvesting of grapes, viniculture or winemaking – which is the production of wine, oenology – which is the science of wine excluding the two previous subjects, and matters related to a sommelier – which is the knowledge of serving and food paring of wine.

So the very last thing I would ever pretend to be is some sort of expert, and I truly consider myself to be positioned just marginally above the level of ignoramus. What I always like to say is that I only know the basics, but I know them well.

So here is a very simply summary of some of the basics a discerning diner should know.

NOTE ON OPINIONS. Yes everyone has a right to their opinion. You are perfectly free to believe that your Lada is better than a Ferrari, or that your six year old son sings better in the shower than Joseph Calleja. But really and truly this only shows your ignorance on the subject of cars and song. There are such things as internationally recognised standards and scientific studies, backed by the world’s most prominent experts in the field of wine, and if you don’t mind I will be subscribing to these in this article, rather than the deranged subjective nonsense of some 7Up mixing dumbo.

SNOBBERY
If you still, even in the remotest of ways, think that wine automatically signifies any form of snobbery, then you are literally decades behind. Grow up or shut up, wine is today about as exclusive and pretentious as owning a mobile phone.

WHEN BEST TO DRINK WINE
Wine was originally conceived and subsequently developed to accompany food and that is when it remains the best. Its popularity today has made it one of the most common bar and party drinks, even independently of food. However it remains best with food, in the same way that spirits remain best without food. And most importantly of all, most food is best eaten along with wine. Food and wine compliment and enhance each other, making them both taste better and offer you much more enjoyment all round when consumed together.

FOOD PAIRING
In today’s ‘anything goes’ scenario, as expected – anything goes. It is neither illegal nor immoral to have a heavy full bodied red with oysters, or a sweet white wine with steak, it’s just rather disgusting. If you have some fatal allergy to a particular wine, then fine, however the long established combinations of wine and food still stand as strongly as ever before. The basics are obvious – white wine with fish and seafood, a light red with white meat, full bodied red with red meat and sweet wine with desserts. Naturally there are a few exceptions as there are for every rule. For example a chilled gamay grape red such as a beaujolais nouveau could eventually be eaten with certain fish, if white will kill you. But from that to imaging that you can drink anything with any food is about as false a misconception as there could possibly be. If you are still not convinced then tell yourself that wine is exactly like food, some food items go with others and some don’t. Try ice cream with ketchup, if still in doubt. On the other hand, if you do retain a bit of integrity and sensibility, you will see how the right food with the right wine will elevate both to much greater heights of goodness and enjoyment. If not, just stick to 7Up and don’t even bother mixing it into any so called wine.

QUALITY OF WINE
There is an enormous difference between the quality of wines. Like most other things in life it is a matter of experience and of acquired taste. If you live in the worst block of the worst suburb of the worst town and have never ventured out of there, then you obviously do not believe that there is any better. Or if you ventured once down the road and found it virtually the same, you are still not qualified to talk about the entire planet. To use another popular example wines are like cars. Yes they all simply have four wheels and one engine and get you from a to b, but there is quite a big difference between a Skoda, a Honda, a Rover, a Mercedes, a Jaguar and an Aston Martin, and if you still can’t see it, it is purely based upon your own self-imposed limitations. But keep at it, practice makes perfect. Some may still not differentiate between a cube roll and an Angus steak and a wagyu kobe – again, entirely their problem. Keep trying – it will come in time, just stop going for the cheapest plonk, otherwise you will never refine your palate!

CHOICE OF WINE
In today’s commercial and competitive scenario there is really no excuse to purchase the cheapest wine around. It is exactly the same and equally distasteful as always selecting the cheapest food you can possible get hold of. The huge choice of wine and relatively inexpensive pricing has created a situation where with literally very few extra Euros, you will go from cheap disgusting crap to good decent wine, quite simply put. When you automatically go for the cheapest, you are always drinking the very worse detritus on offer. Train yourself slowly to appreciate the subtle differences between one wine and another and elevate yourself to a bit of qualitative thinking. In the same way that you do not deserve the very worst food a restaurant can offer, you do not deserve their very worse wine, which is probably used as cooking wine when purchased directly from the supplier. We are not talking about breaking the bank here, just investing very few extra Euros which will greatly increase the quality of the wine. You don’t have to go for a €100 wine and neither a €50 one, just one slightly better than the very bottom of the range,

WHITE, ROSE, RED
The colour of wine is related to the colour of the grapes, but in the following manner. To make white wine you take any colour grapes and remove the skins during fermentation. To make rose you take red grapes and leave the red skins in very temporarily. To make red wine you leave the red skins in during much of the fermentation.

SPARKLING WINE VERSUS CHAMPAGNE
You hear many saying that they prefer prosecco or cava to champagne and that’s fair enough. Again everyone has a right to their opinion. It is obvious that there still unfortunately exist those who would prefer mixing Brunello with 7UP or even Coke, and they too have a right to their sordid opinion. But in reality, those who like any type of sparkling wine but not champagne, are those who have not yet fully developed their taste in such beverages. For champagne is simply the best and finest and highest quality type of sparking wine around. As we all (should) know, it is simply called champagne because it is produced in the Champagne region of North Eastern France. Now admittedly not all champagne is fantastic. And many sparkling wines from other countries such as certain Spanish cavas are truly excellent. But before you blurt out obscenities, such as oh champagne is so overrated and this cava is much better, look properly at the label. You will see that if your sparking wine is truly of good quality, it is in fact produced in exactly the same way as champagne and bears the insignia of ‘methode champenoise’ or ‘methode traditionelle’, simply meaning that everything was done to the smallest detail to imitate true champagne. For champagne is subject to the most stringent regulations and criteria and it can only be of a very high standard. It is therefore the ultimate and finest of sparkling wines. Other types of bubbly are usually a bit fizzier and slightly sweeter, which in terms of sparkling wines are not particularly desirable attributes, but which for the untrained tongue are more pleasing in a Blue Nun/7UP sort of way.

DOES PRICE GUARANTEE QUALITY
I will keep this one very short and simple. The reply is – no definitely not. But if you are still a novice and have very little idea on wine in general, then it is by far the very best indicator around!

WHY DO YOU TASTE WINE
You taste wine to see if it is of acceptable quality and satisfactory condition. In other words if it is corked, or off, or oxidised, or has production deficiencies, or is well past its peak, or is being served at the wrong temperature, or tastes unfresh and mouldy. So plastic and screw top bottles should still be tasted, as the only deficiency they cannot have is being corked, all of the others are still very possible. On the other hand you do NOT send a bottle back because it is not to your taste. That is totally ridiculous. You are meant to know what you are ordering and if you do not, then ask the staff. If they too have no idea, then fine that is another story and they get what they deserve…

HOW TO TASTE WINE
There are meant to be three distinct stages in tasting. Before you start, you swirl the wine not at all to showoff, but to aerate it, so as to bring out the flavours and aromas. Then you are meant to look at it properly which can often reveal a lot on its own. Most white wines for example, should be very light and pale in colour, and a darker, golden hue is not a good sign. With red wines you usually look at the rim or meniscus. If this is very watery, then the chances are that is it a low quality wine. If it is light, purplish-blue, then it is a younger wine, while if it is brownish, it is probably well past its peak. Also when you give it a good swirl, the liquid will cling to the sides of the glass and when it trickles back down a more viscous wine with heavy, noticeable trickles lingering on the side of the glass, indicates a high alcohol content.
You are then to smell the wine for a very valid reason. The sense of smell is enormously more sensitive and powerful than taste, so a lot, and sometimes more, may be sensed through smelling.
Lastly you taste to finish off your mini inspection of the wine, to tell if it is in good shape and of expected quality, for that particular type of wine. You also ensure that the temperature is right.

HOW TO DESCRIBE A WINE
You need not go into the more extreme and subtle notions of bouquet and palate. In the beginning just keep it simple. Sweet, semi sweet, fruity or dry. Light, medium or full bodied. Acidic, fresh, mellow or flat. Soft or tannic. And you’re already halfway there.

GRAPE VARIETIES
There are endless varieties which are very different from each other. Try to learn the most popular ones and their principle characteristics. For example Chardonnay makes a fruity full bodied white. Sauvignon blanc makes a floral aromatic white. Moscato makes a sweet white. Nebbiolo is full bodied red. Cabernet Sauvignon is red and spicy. Merlot red, round and balanced. There are hundreds of varieties, however no more than say two dozen or so which you initially need to remember.

DO COUNTRIES OF ORIGIN AND GRAPE VARIETALS MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Yes, an enormous difference. In fact if I had to give any basic advice to anyone on the very first steps of choosing a wine, then these would be my very first two criteria. Know your countries and grapes, the rest will then slowly follow. To take some obvious examples, if you go for a Chilean sauvignon blanc, although there are many subtle differences between each wine, you will find that they are all terribly similar. The same goes for say a South African chenin blanc, an Italian nero d’Avola and a French merlot. It is always best to get to know varietals by their respective country, as often their nature and character could change considerably from one country to another. For example the syrah grape in France and northwestern USA tend to be tannic, peppery and dry, while in Australia where it is known as shiraz it if extremely fruity and even bordering on the sweet. Chardonnay in the new world is much fruitier and softer and mellow than it is in Chablis in Northern France, where it is bone dry and even flinty.

WINE NAMES
Besides the country/grape combinations which clearly denote specific types of wines, you should also try to familiarise yourself with the most popular place names and types of wines. I am referring to such common examples as say Gavi, Chianti, Valpolicella, Barolo, Rioja, Chablis, Sancerre, Beaujolais, St Emilion, Chateauneuf du Pape and the like. There aren’t really hundreds you need to know. In the beginning if you get accustomed to say even a couple of dozen, it will enable you to instantly know that say a Gavi is a pleasant dry Italian white and a Chateauneuf du Pape is a full bodied French red, although admittedly in this case white does also exist but is not usually expected.

REGIONS, SUB REGIONS & VILLAGES
Without starting to panic, countries are divided into regions, regions into sub-regions and sub-regions into villages and place names, each of course with their own characteristic qualities in wine. One typical example is Bordeaux, which is subdivided into regions such as St Emilion, Graves, Medoc and Sauternes, amongst many others. Part of Medoc is referred to as Haut Medoc, Haut Medoc consists of several villages such as Margaux, St Julien, Pauillac and St Estephe. But don’t panic, everything in its own time.

SPECIFIC WINE BRANDS & VINTAGES
Similarly placenames and villages will have various labels and brands and chateaux and properties and wines. And lastly vintages too can make quite a difference. As I said in the beginning, wine is very vast. But it is more important to understand the system and the complexity itself, than trying to memorise every single wine from day one. So in this case all you need to know is that there is so much you don’t know!

AOC/DOC AND OTHER APPELATIONS
In virtually all wine producing countries there are very precise regulations as the labelling and nomenclature of wines. One of the most common of these is the AOC/DOC classification. In Italy it refers to DOC (Denominazione di Origine Controllata), while in France the equivalent is AOC (Appellation d’origine contrôlé). These classifications refer to stringent production methods which should in principle guarantee a certain quality and to a very rough extent they do. There are many more categories denoting quality as is for example ‘premier cru’ in France, which denotes much higher status than AOC, and IGT (Indicazione geografica tipica) in Italy, which is lower ranked than DOC. If you have the time and the inclination, familiarising yourself with these basic terms will also teach you a lot about wine and help you understand a wine label much better.

SUMMARY
Don’t let yourself be daunted. Take it one step at a time, be adventurous, experiment and enjoy. There are few things in life which imperatively make you drunk while you study, so believe me this is about as good as it gets!

For those who might not be familiar with the term, umami is the fifth basic taste which was added to the previously existing ones of sweetness, sourness, bitterness and saltiness. Items that are particularly strong in this taste are monosodium glutamate (MSG) and tomatoes.

Quite a smart name for a smart establishment, which is the latest addition at Saqqajja Steps, which has become a little Mecca for good eateries.

Upon arrival we were given the choice of a table inside or out, which was nice. We had a look inside, but in spite of the stylish interior, we immediately dashed back outside, at the horrifying sound of screaming children.

So we settled down outside at a lovely table with views over much of Malta and after having repeatedly insisted that we did not desire aperitifs, we selected a bottle of Chilean Apaltagua Gran Verano sauvignon blanc as well as a Chateau Lamarsalle Saint Emilion 2011. The sauvignon was not exceptional but very acceptable, while the Saint Emilion was a luscious, soft, round and velvety treat, in spite of its relatively inexpensive price We were very obviously drinking it at the right age when it was at its peak. There were four of us there, as we were accompanied by our dear friends Ted and Carolyn from the UK, and as some wanted white and some wanted red, we simply went for one of each.

Their menu is concise. to the point and very nicely laid out. I can even say that although it is stylishly and well described, for once the food was actually better than portrayed and than expected. Many menus incite visions and promises of grandeur, only then to be followed by relatively mediocre dishes. Well here it was the opposite. The food was pretty well described in the menu, but then it also exceeded all expectations.

We were in fact regaled with one remarkable dish after the other, all of an extraordinary level. Before we started we were served very nice homemade warm and crusty buns of bread, which was accompanied by a simply delightful cepe and garlic butter, which was to die for. This was shortly followed by an equally irresistible amuse bouche in the form of fish cakes, accompanied by a sweet chili sauce and mint and avocado reductions, set on seaweed.

For starters we had the beef shin cakes with horseradish, baby chard and radish, which was lovely and crispy on the outside and beautifully cooked inside. I would just say that it missed an additional ingredient to spice it up a little, perhaps a touch of curry or something similar.

We also selected the raw langoustines which were perfect and presented in such an appealing and straightforward manner. There was an Angus beef carpaccio with mustard leaf, parmesan and balsamic caviar, which was about as good as it gets. And also fresh mussels which were tasty and very well prepared.

For our main courses we all decided on their meat board, which consisted of lamb fillet, sirloin steak and rib eye steak. Their sight alone was as impressive and splendid as the taste. It was a rather massive portion for two, which admittedly we were unable to finish and ended up taking most of it home. Both the lamb and the rib eye were spectacular both in taste and in texture and the sirloin wasn’t far off. It was served with a fantastic, mild but tasty and not overpowering pepper sauce, as well as a mushroom sauce which was not as impressive, but believe me, we could live with that.

Yet another very pleasant surprise and unfortunately quite a rare occurrence elsewhere, was that the side dishes too were delicious. The potato wedges were very moreish and the grilled Mediterranean vegetables were a compulsive eat.

But our delightful meal didn’t end there. When you are treated to such impressive fare you extend the meal for as long as you can. So we had a vanilla and orange crème brulee with ginger macaroons, a caramelized banana with dark chocolate shavings, shortbread and toffee cream and a chocolate mousse with Gran Marnier ice cream, hazelnut praline and pear and prune samosa, as well as a homemade vanilla ice cream. All were simply outstanding and the very best desserts I have had the pleasure of eating in a very long time.

So simply full marks on the food. Most of the dishes also included some additional and very original ingredients, such as various molecular reconstructions and vegetable and flower powders. There is absolutely no doubt that chef patrons Luke Piscopo and Isaac Sciberras know exactly what they are doing in their kitchen! The food arrived ever so slightly slower than one would have liked, but in view of its quality and intricacy one really has to make some concessions.

A restaurant meal is not just about the food but also about the overall experience and the outing, otherwise most of us would stay at home to eat. Although we all have our own personal yardsticks, I would probably accord 4 points to food, 4 points to service and 2 points to ambiance, on a general scale of 10 when dining out. For I believe that service is just as important as the food. If served an excellent meal in a terrible manner, I find this impossible to enjoy. If the food is mediocre but the service is excellent, then it makes the pill, or should I say the food – much easier to swallow. So for me at least, both food and service are of equal importance.

The service at Umami is entrusted in the very experienced hands of veteran Anthony Pace, who has been working in the trade for many years. He obviously knows it all and shows absolutely no reserve in displaying it. All the motions are there and the right techniques are applied. Anthony is obviously old school and was trained in a time when being somewhat pushy and over-persuasive might have been the norm. Also when constructive criticism might have been less acceptable. Even in instances when he was very obviously wrong in certain descriptions, such as insisting that the Maltese ‘silla’ with its scarlet flowers, is called hay in English and not a variety of clover, he still somehow retained that slightly condescending edge.

We would be talking amongst ourselves and he would be comfortable to butt in and join in the conversation, without being invited to do so. Each bottle of wine was first aptly served with a clean glass for tasting, but was then slightly expeditiously poured before we had a chance to approve. We also soon gave up trying to indicate who as on white and who was on red, as he happily poured both types for everyone each time. There were amusing mini arguments as we insisted to order the food and drinks we desired, and not necessarily the ones he wanted.

But what might have started with a hmm ended in a ha, as we slowly grew fonder of his quirky and somewhat haughty nature. He plays his part with perceived authority, and in the end we all decided to play his game, so as not to spoil our evening.

We also had the dubious pleasure of meeting a birthday boy by the name ofMarc Spiteri, another patron who was sitting at the next table. When our friend Ted stood up to take a photo of us, Marc himself insisted to take the photo. However he proceeded in hitting one of our bottles of wine, sending crashing to the floor. In an unexpected show of generosity, he insisted on buying us a full bottle, although much of the one he dropped had already been drunk. We look forward to bumping in to him again soon, and to him bumping into our half empty bottles of wine.

We ended this splendid meal with coffees and drinks before we asked for the bill. At €68 each it wasn’t cheap, but in the end such meals cannot come cheap. The meat board did look expensive at €55 for two, but the amount of meat on it was impressive, as intricately explained and strongly defended by Anthony, when we mentioned this to him. I did also point out that charging an additional €2 for each of the pepper and mushroom sauces might be unnecessary, however here too he had a good go back at us… I also find that many individual items were slightly overpriced, such as a standard cognac at €7. But in spite of this I cannot say that it wasn’t worth while.

As we got no joy from Anthony, we spotted one of the chef patrons who came to sit at a table just next to us. So we purposely discussed rather loudly and admittedly cheekily how the previous custom of offering patrons a drink on the house is fast disappearing. On each successive mention of this matter he perked up his head and ears, until I very humorously brought out the joke into the open with him and spoke to him directly. I confirmed with him jokingly that he was one of the chefs and complimented him on the fantastic meal, at which point I got a blank nod and he walked off back into the kitchen.

Oh well, they have definitely mastered the kitchen, perhaps in time they will also master their PR.

Valletta on a Summer’s evening is about as good as it gets on our little island, in so many ways. Since its recent cleanup and reawakening, it offers the visitor heaps of stylish architecture, elegant ambiance, limitless character and is so conducive to leisurely strolls in the soft indirect lighting. It has come such a long way from the previous evening ghost town with the current great choice of restaurants, clubs, cafes and bars, which are open until late.

We were rather pleased when our generous hosts Paul Peter Azzopardiand Kristina Arbočiūtė chose a restaurant in the capital for this occasion.

We started off with a nice pre-dinner drink at Charles Grech on Republic Street, in the form of a bottle of 35 South sauvignon blanc. This was stylishly served along with a range of elegant complimentary snacks, which should be the norm in such venues.

We sat there relaxed and chatting and people watching and were also regaled by a display of several refuse collection trucks, which I assure you is not me being characteristically sarcastic. The impossible has finally hit us, in the form of extremely fancy looking, squeaky clean, creatively painted with astonishing artwork, literally polished and shiny, refuse collection trucks. Many have seen them and many have not. I still haven’t managed to reveal the whole story behind this novel idea, but whoever it is that took this initiative certainly deserves much applause, even only because everyone sitting there outside at Charles Grech was awestruck by this unexpected display.

We then thoroughly enjoyed the walk down to Old Bakery Street and to Capistrano Restaurant which is a small, quaint and cosy establishment Paul and Kris were rather familiar with.

Although every table was taken and the entire service was managed singlehandedly by a very smart and efficient Macedonian gentleman, not much more could be done to improve upon it. It really goes to show that also with staff it is the quality that counts and not the quantity. In many countries such as France, we have often noted that the order of the day in many small restaurants is to have one single person up front, running the show with absolutely no assistance, and we were very pleased to have experienced this in an equally perfect fashion at Capistrano.

The girls decided to continue on white wine and selected an Escudo Rojo suavignon blanc which was crisp, floral and aromatic and very pleasing to the palate. Us old boys opted for red and we went for a Lebanese Chateau Kefraya Les Breteches, which although admittedly is not at all the top wine of this illustrious winery, it is nicely balanced and round, yet fruity and vigorous in a rather direct and straightforward way.

For starters we had a wild mushroom tart with caramelized onions, asparagus and parmigiano which was beautifully presented and although the mushrooms did not seem to be wild, it took nothing away from the goodness of this multi-textured dish.

The girls both had cured salmon with prawns, avocado mousse and squid ink aioli, which was fine and refreshing, however perhaps a tiny bit too salty, which tended to mask the other delicate flavours.

Also a goat’s cheese mousse with sun-dried tomatoes, olives, broad beans and pumpkinseed wafer. This was also cleverly presented and offered so many different colours, textures and flavours.

I found all starters to be elegant, refined and subtle, even perhaps just a tad too subtle, as I am a firm believer that good food should come with good wholesome and ideally rather intense flavours. However this is but a small side note and one I usually only afford to dishes of an undoubtedly high standard.

Both our hosts strongly recommended the pan roasted venison fillet and as it is understandably not a dish we eat every day, they easily convinced us to give it a try. In typical fashion, we had ours as rare as it comes, while they had theirs medium. It was all cooked to perfection and the meat was very simply excellent and irreproachable.

It was plated along with glazed carrots, crushed peas, creamed goat’s cheese and a port wine jus. All these accompaniments were also lovely, however, especially as the jus was quite weak in flavour, I would have preferred much more robust and tasty items and sauces, which would have complimented the venison in a much more suitable manner, than such delicate fare.

Similarly, we were served roast potatoes, shredded cabbage and caponata to share and although all items were individually very pleasant, I found that particularly the caponata was ill matched to the venison, especially as it was rather strong in olives and capers.

But yet again I would like to emphasise that these minor observations take nothing away from the overall quality and enjoyment of the meal.

If we had desserts this is an automatic indicator that we didn’t want the meal to end. We had a lemon pannacotta topped with a mint sheet and with berry coulis, lemon curd and raspberry ice cream. It was relatively light and refined. We also had an apple and walnut cheesecake with apple crumble and green apple sorbet, which was even better and tastier.

At the end of our meal we had the pleasure of meeting and chatting with the pleasant chef Malcolm Mifsud, who is also part of the family of owners. We happily discussed the above and several others points in the most objective, forthright and undefensive of ways, which is so healthy, proactive and refreshing.

We were also very kindly offered a couple of drinks on the house, before we enjoyed our stroll back through the magnificence of Valletta by night, ending a lovely evening, at a good restaurant, amongst very good friends.

I will start by going straight to the point without mincing my words in any way. This was unfortunately the very worst meal we have had in a very long time.

I always make it a point not to write entirely negative reviews and will make no exception here. I have heard positive comments about this relatively new restaurant and therefore must assume that under different circumstances diners might not encounter the disaster which we did, during our miserable experience.

We normally avoid busy Summer weekends like the plague and do our best to stay at home quietly, or if we venture out at all, it is always to visit friends at their own private homes. We try never to eat out on such busy nights and this was the one single occasion since the end of Spring, when we had no other option than to go out on a Friday night. We were very rudely reminded what a waste of time and money the whole experience can turn out to be.

When I called to reserve I was asked to arrive late, after 21:30, when there would be a table available. So sure enough the four of us arrived on time, to be greeted by an exceedingly charming lady, who not only found us a table, but also very kindly complied to moving us outside upon our request.

Shortly after we sat, we were very efficiently tended to by the head of section Sam, as well as several other servers, who were constantly present throughout the service and who I must say did a very god job of serving us and everyone else there.

This is a very obvious franchise concept restaurant, originating in South Africa, where everything is tailor-made, carbon-copied and stereotyped, in typical marketing-is-king manner. But even this I don’t mind at all, provided that behind the hype and the gimmicks is good food and good service, which was definitely not the case when we were there, at least.

They have a fantastic sounding menu, with a pronounced wow factor. Seafood, mussels, prawns and fish on lovely platters, all for exceedingly affordable prices. Sushi, sashimi, tempura, all packaged up to share between 2 or 3 or 4. A menu which was obviously scientifically created to hit people’s psyche and imagination and all with very low pricing. All is done to make you wonder how seafood can be offered at such low prices.

Although we were four, our table was laid for three and throughout the meal until the very end, everything kept coming in threes. So every time more plates and cutlery arrived it was always for three and never for four, in spite of our many reminders. But this was no big deal and also kept us amused. It seemed that their operational system was obviously stuck on three and once that figure was keyed in at the very beginning, it will remain until the bitter end, which was most obviously the case.

But again this was but a small detail. The fact that the tables they use for four are actually the size of a normal table for two, when they particularly specialise in platters to share, is most definitely an oversight or a misjudgment of sorts. Why should we spend much of the evening trying to move glasses and tableware around to try to miraculously fit in the platters on behalf of the waiters? Their tables simply need to be much larger.

We ordered a mixed platter with mussels, prawns, calamari and fish, a mixed sushi platter, a tempura plate and two small sashimi plates. We asked for all this to be served at the same time. Sam who took the order, informed us that the sushi could take up to 20 minutes to arrive. We weighed our options, and in spite of the time which was by then nearly 10pm, we agreed, especially as we asked him to serve our other orders beforehand, as soon as they were ready.

So we waited and we waited and we drank some wine, then we waited a bit more. Then we drank some more wine and we waited and waited again. I knew that they had been busy, although where we were sitting outside, very few new tables had arrived with or after us, so presumably the kitchen should not be that busy, unless they had a very very long backlog, even if this was in any way my problem in the first place. I did my very best to keep my calm and continued waiting and drinking. However, more than 50 minutes and two bottles of wine later, all the fun and pleasure was totally drained from within us, and by then we were contemplating on going back home. It is hard to sit at a table, hungry, with absolutely nothing to eat for virtually an hour.

I called Sam and firmly but politely told him that we were virtually at the end of our patience. He promptly told us that he would check with the kitchen to see what the situation was. Within a few minutes he returned and much to our astonishment he incredulously informed us that the food would still take a while longer, possible another 15 minutes at least. I really couldn’t understand how a bitterly complaining table is rudely ignored to this effect and when I told him that we would rather cancel and leave, he made it very clear that if this was the case, then it wasn’t a problem, and that this was obviously our choice, making it very clear that from a kitchen point of view we simply had to like it or lump it.

I must make it clear that he was not acting out of arrogance or neglect. He was very obviously briefed to act in this manner and was simply fulfilling his instructions.

I would have been more than happy to leave there and then. I mean where on earth should you accept to be seated virtually at 10pm, go through the normal processes to have drinks and then order, then wait for a whole hour, only to be told that you have at least another 15 minutes before you stand a chance of being served!

I looked around the table and only saw pleading hungry faces. My wife made it very clear that she was in no mood to go home and cook until the early hours of the morning, and now that we had invested so much of our lives desperately waiting, we might as well continue waiting a bit more.

Yes again I have to insist that this Sam character was exceedingly smart and courteous, so I took a very deep breath and told him that we will stay, although I was disgusted by the kitchen’s attitude. In normal circumstances such complaints are not fobbed off with such a take it or leave it attitude, but rather are treated with an all hands on deck approach, to ensure that a wrong is turned into a right, but no, not here! They showed zero customer care and appalling complaint handling skills, apart from Sam’s patience.

So more than an hour after we ordered, the mixed platter arrived. It was ok, it was fine, but to make it very clear, this is no Mediterranean style restaurant serving fresh fare as we normally expect and are accustomed to.

it was a selection of half shelled frozen mussels cooked in cream, half prawns, deep fried calamari rings and a dryish frozen fish fillet, accompanied by chips and rice, all on the same platter and served with ketchup and mayonnaise, in a McDonalds seafood fast food concept sort of way. And in the end I suppose if this is what you want, why not. But don’t go comparing some fancy restaurant mixed fresh seafood platter with this fast food fare.

Have you ever wondered why nightmares always seem to get worse, no matter how unlikely this seems to be? So as Sam serves us this platter, he goes ahead and informs that the sushi will be at least another 15 minutes!!!

At this point we just look at each other and laugh, as any last hopes of salvaging the evening in any way had long withered away. We just shrugged our shoulders, as the kitchen had obviously done in our regard and realised that we simply had no choice and that any of our concerns would be simply thrown into the dustbin.

The sushi, tempura and sashimi finally came and I have to admit in all objectivity that with the exception of the sashimi, this was the very worst sushi and tempura I have ever sampled and by a long shot. I won’t even bother going into detail, it was just pretty awful. I did not include the sashimi because I refused to even try it.

At a point in time there were two dubious individuals dressed as fake chefs in funny uniforms which included aprons, but which obviously only served marketing and not cooking purposes, who were floating around the tables. The female version came to us and asked us in a tape recorder sort of way if everything was ok. I calmly mentioned that it was a disaster, at which point she instantly went into the defensive, made a few exceedingly poor and intelligence-insulting excuses about a sushi chef having succumbed to some accident and quickly proceeded to move away to hopefully happier tables. If this was in any way meant to make us feel any better I can safely say that it only made the entire scenario exceedingly worse!

Were we properly listened to? No. Were we given any relief or consolation? No. Was our complaint given any importance and at least did they try to make good for all their shortcomings? No. Were we given any form of compensation, discount or recompense? Absolutely not. Nobody cared!

I asked one of the friendly servers who the fake chefs were and was informed that they were the managers. When I said that the managers actually had a lot to learn from the servers, who were infinitely more concerned and courteous to the customers then them, the server fully and genuinely agreed.

At this point you may be asking how can this not be a negative review when the overall service, which naturally includes the waiting time, was abysmal and the food was dreadful.

Fine, let us now start listing the various positives. The serving staff where exceedingly gentle and friendly, even in front of very disgruntled customers. I must make it clear that in such circumstances I refrain from being rude or arrogant in any manner, I just make my point very clearly and firmly, to the extent that the staff themselves can only empathise and agree. However in this case what I find incredible is that although their front on house where very understanding and appreciative of our terrible plight, they were unable to do anything about it.

Every single server outside was friendly, efficient and had the situation totally in hand. One of the biggest telltale signs is that they often roamed around checking out tables and returned to their base empty handed, indicating that they were well ahead of overall service and that the entire disaster was coming solely from the kitchen.

The location, décor and ambiance of the establishment is splendid by all accounts, and really leaves little to be desired. The concept too in theory holds so much potential and looks so appealing, if only the food was of an infinitely higher standard.

The combination of more classical seafood dishes with sushi and sashimi makes so much sense, if only fresher ingredients and chefs who knew what they were doing were used.

They seem to have it all in theory and also have managed to engaged some excellent serving staff. It is only their managers and chefs who might need to be replaced. And provided that it is made clear that the seafood is not served in fresh Mediterranean style, but more in Northern European custom, then I am sure that there are fans for this too. But such waiting times and such a poor excuse for sushi simply cannot be accepted.

This was my first time to this trendy eatery and it involved a business lunch with a work contact who recommended it, being very close to his office. It is part of the Vila complex and is situated right on the sea front.

As the name implies, it is a casual diner yet perfectly stylish and also offering quite an extensive menu with something for anyone’s taste. I did not look at the wine list as I contended myself with beer on this occasion,especially as I was predictably the only one drinking alcohol.